Hi, I'm Christie, and I have an addiction.....

Alright ladies and (just to be politically correct, even though I don’t know if they actually read it) Gentlemen… I have an obsession. A little less than a year ago, I stumbled upon this site. I know many of you have heard of it, however, this site is like crack! It’s like window shopping, without feeling compelled to go into a store. It’s like… oh hell, there is no use using analogies.. Really there isn’t anything to explain it. It’s called… PINTEREST!! I have had more craft inspired ideas from this site, more ideas of what I want to do with my house, clothing inspiration, daydreams have been inspired by this lovely Website Crack addiction I now have!

REALLY, ya’ll have to check this site out!!

Below are some of my own crafts that I did for Christmas this year. My Christmas Tree this year was about 95% decorated with homemade ornaments. And about 90% of those were inspired by Pinners that share in my addiction.

I love this gingerbread man.. Made out of Polymer Clay!

Green Glitter in a clear glass ornament!

My Best Friend's son's hand in Salt Dough... Recipe found on Pinterest!

And this is by far my favorite! The pearl bead filled glass ornament tied off with a red ribbon!

I'm crafty and I know it!!! I kinda knew it.. but it wasn't until Pinterest that I actually realized it! haha.. See, it can be used for good!

Wow! I'm slack!

So I’ve gone and done it again… I’ve neglected my blog for WAYYY to long, and one of my co workers actually started one, and it reminded me of how much I actually enjoyed blogging.

So to pick up where we left off…… The in between is… Life happened, and it happened with a vengeance. 2011 was a wonderfully, fantastic, amazing and…. A horrible nightmare! So the top 5 things of the Wonderful, Fantastic, and Amazing….

1. 1. I moved out of Mom and Dad’s house, to a townhome community less than a mile from my sister. My house backs up to the pool, and it turns out that I have amazing neighbors who I love dearly! Bella LOVES it, and I love that we’re both happy!!

2. 2. One of my best friends got married in November, and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding! She was such a BEAUTIFUL bride, and I am so excited for her to start this journey with her husband!

3. 3. I met a boy… :-) A VERY awesome guy that fixes my car, hangs my Christmas Lights for me, and makes me BEAUTIFUL work out of his talent for Welding! Did I mention that he’s awesome?!?!!? I totally met him on a random afternoon on July 3^rd. I overheard he and his friends at the pool discussing going to a fast food place. I had just cooked a pork loin and I thought, “Hey, I can’t eat all of this, and I’m not doing anything except for laying out in my backyard! I’ll just slice this up and take it up there… Get to meet some new neighbors!” So I did, and Brent was there with his roommate, his co worker, and my neighbor, who.. coincidently, I went to high school with. We were in Choir together! (SMALL WORLD). So.. That’s where our story began!

4. 4. I became an aunt a second time around, to another BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING niece who I call “Lady Bug”. She was born May 9^th, 2011. She is perfect and sweet, and my heart grew the day she was born. My life got brighter!

5. 5. My beautiful grandmother “Meema” turned 90 years old on October 28, 2011. She has 3 Children, 9 Grand children, and 13 great grand children. She amazes me at her energy!! She is on a Wii Bowling League within her retirement community. LOVE IT!!

Now onto why it was a horrible Nightmare….

1. 1. After White Water Rafting back at the end of June, to Celebrate my best friend’s husband’s birthday, I get a call from my best friend after I walked in the door…… Her Mom died… She took this hard, and I took it hard, just due to the fact that her Mom and I had some great conversations!

2. 2. In the beginning of August… Guess who ended up with MRSA again?!?!?! That’s right folks… I did… It was a nightmare!! None of the doctors would listen to me, when I KNEW what worked and didn’t work (because as I stated… this is the second time around for me!). It took 2 visits to my PCP and 3 visits to the ER to be taken seriously… Third time’s a charm!! Nothing like sitting in the ER with the ER Doc calling Stat on things and making people rush because you are extremely ill! The infection had spread across my abdomen and down my legs. “YAY”!! This lead to a 3 day 2 night stay in Chateau De Quarantine in hospitaldom! Yes, I was in QUARANTINE!!! I was pumped full of antibiotics, pain meds, med meds, and some other meds to kill the MRSA. This of course ate into my PTO at work, so after that hospital stay, I didn’t have any vacay days left! GRR!! (But.. I have my health!) Oh.. and did I mention that I owe a crapload of money to the hospital?!? DOUBLE GRRR!!

3. 3. So, as great as this “tool” that I’ve had with this surgery, (I am 2 years out and almost to my goal!!), it has caused some mental side effects. It’s changing habits, and changing the way you think and feel etc… Well, I look in the mirror and I still see that girl… The girl who is WAYYYY overweight and I can’t shake her. I’m also terrified because I don’t have that weight anymore to protect me, so I feel vulnerable… So… 2011.. (and I know this isn’t nightmarish, but it took a panic attack, which was nightmarish for me to realize I needed it) I started back to seeing a therapist. I’m learning that I’m a control freak… Hmmm… Interesting!

4. 4. So… the day I get out of the hospital… my sister’s ex starts texting me asking me where my sister is… and THEN HE SHOWS UP AT MY HOUSE (didn’t tell me he was doing this.) It’s 11 o’clock at night (my sister was at my house, due to me just being out of the hospital), and he attempted to open the door… freaked me out, freaked Bella out, and of course freaked my sister out!! I ended up calling the cops.. Turns out he was drunk.. He just wanted to tell my sister he missed her.. so he DROVE.. DRUNK… TO MY HOUSE!! PUNK!!!

5. 5. About 2 weeks after I get out of the hospital… I get a call from my mom… (about 5 mins after I had gotten off of the phone with she and my dad) She said that she had to rush dad to the hospital because he thought he was having a heart attack…. I have never seen him in so much pain!! I had to go pick my sister up from a work event, and then we high tailed it to the hospital. He was not having a heart attack, and they think it was stress related, and maybe some of enzyme issue. But he is okay! He is healthy and strong now… But.. yeah.. It was nightmarish!

So… Maybe I’ll start back up blogging.. Writing all of that out just made me feel about a thousand times better! Good thing is.??? I AM ALIVE!!!

frustration and confusion

I refuse to let things and people control my emotions and feelings. Okay, I take that back… I am TRYING to not let things and people control my emotions and my feelings. It’s so much easier said than done. I knew it was over, the night that things changed. I knew my emotions were different, and I didn’t want anything more from him. I knew that. Why would I want to be with someone who bails and freaks out just when you needed them to be there and strong and ask “are you okay?”. Instead he bailed, and got strange. We were friends before, and I hoped for friendship afterwards. I don’t know if he can handle it. That’s what kills me. I’ve moved on… I have. I don’t have to be in a relationship to move on though. He does. I don’t mind! I am happy that he has found someone….. a week after he and I were together. That’s fine!

So why does it bother me that he has updated his facebook status to “In a relationship” with this chick??? I mean really???? I’m trying not to let this ruin my day. I’m trying.. It’s hard though. Obviously I still have some sort of feeling for him, but it’s not like I want to be with him. He is everything and nothing that I’ve wanted. I deserve so much more than that! I think the thing that hurts the most is that he made a promise to me, and then broke it. I don’t know if it was intentional or unintentional, but he broke it, and now I am left to pick up my own pieces again. Not that they were ever put together properly to begin with.

I’m mad… When I’m mad, I cry. Not when I’m hurt, like normal people do! I cry when I am so livid! Why? Because I do not want to hurt people I love with the words that would come out of my mouth if I didn’t cry. The tears act as curse words, they act as anger, they act as madness and rage. NOT because I’m an emotional girl who is in love with someone. I was never “in love” with him. NEVER.

I am hurt now because I miss my friend. I miss his friendship, not the other stuff.. Just his friendship. I can handle friendships! I can! I just can’t handle the plastering of his new “relationship” with someone else for the entire world to see. I’m hurt because her name is the same as mine, and he referred to me as the “old” Christie when talking to someone. OUCH!!!

I’m stronger than that though. He can think that I’m an emotional girl all he wants. I’m better than that! I am worth more than that. I deserve better than that.

So why can’t I just leave it at that???

Happy Birthday to Moi!!! 31 Years!!

In my next thirty years….. (you know the song… Tim McGraw sings it!) Well, I’ve been 30 for an entire year, and this morning at 7:51, I officially turned 31. It got me thinking about what I want to accomplish in my next thirty years. It also got me thinking about what a huge difference a year makes. One full year, and 125 pounds later, I’m one full year older, and closer to my goal than I have been since I’ve been obese!

Last year, I was a huge puffy blob (didn’t feel like it at the time, but looking back at pictures, I was!) My first thirty years were fine. They were full of adventures and struggles, and not once did I ever attribute any struggles to my weight. I never let it get in the way of the things I wanted to do. I’m just determined. J So in my next thirty years… I am going to celebrate. I’m going to live! One of my dear close friends gave me a note today that says the following….

“Christie- Happy Birthday! New job, new clothes, new man, kick ass body and new adventures. Here’s to getting in front of the camera and living out loud so you don’t pinch yourself when you’re 80 and think it was a dream!... Love you! “

That brought tears to my eyes.. Why? I’ve lived behind the camera since I could remember. Yes, I’ve lived, but I’ve lived trying to capture memories for other people. Yes, I get paid to capture memories for other people, but when I am not getting paid, I still capture those memories on camera. However, I don’t have the pictures of me in those “memories”. I was there, I lived them as well. So, in my next thirty years, I’m going to get in the picture! I’m going to take on life, and have pictures of me doing just that! I’ll LET other people take a picture of me!

Here are the ten things I’m going to do in my Next Thirty Years….

1. 1. Exercise more

2. 2. Go to Europe and walk the streets with ease

3. 3. Run/walk a marathon for Cancer awareness on a yearly basis

4. 4. Enjoy my family and friends more

5. 5. Eat healthier meals

6. 6. Love a little more (love myself a little more too)

7. 7. Live in the moment

8. 8. Laugh more

9. 9. Share my story (we all have one)

10. 10. Allow myself to be loved!

So, to end this blog for today…. Happy Birthday to ME! Here is to Living Out Loud!!!! Here is to living the dream, but having the pictures to prove it! I’m going to be the BEST person that I can be, inside AND out!!

O-U-T-C-A-S-T

I’m beginning to feel like an outcast. There! I said it! O-U-T-C-A-S-T! I’m being cast aside by my former Plus Size stores, comfort zones, known clothes that fit my body and basically; my former fat self. Now don’t get me wrong, being ostracized from my former fat world is a good thing!!! But, now, I’m feeling a little out of place! My entire life I’ve been “Plus Sized” and now, I’m not! I don’t fit in the plus sized clothing, and this should be a GREAT thing!! However, I’ve never shopped for something NOT plus sized before.

I don’t know what stores to shop in, I don’t know what clothes to look at. In my former fat world, certain clothing items were completely UNACCEPTABLE to wear, so I followed the rules of fat person clothing options, and opted not to choose those items. Even the undergarments were relatively plain jane! But now, there are options… For color, ruffles, bows, pretty polka dots, etc. Plain was never bad, and I still like the white, beige, and black trio. It all worked well for me, because I was always told that I dressed well. Well… Now I fit in things!

I am just a little confused with myself! Do I wear the shorter skirts (Which, in non fat world, the skirts are EXTREMELY short, and maybe it’s just that I’m not used to it…), do I get away with wearing the trendier things? My former style is being thrown out the window, and I’m confused! What looks good? What doesn’t look good? I’m not trying to hide behind things anymore, so I don’t need to camouflage things. Can I wear the tighter shirts without looking like a trashy lady?

The more weight I lose, the more I am beginning to wonder what my style is. I know as a fat person I had style. I had great style for a larger lady. I commend myself on that. Now, I have to figure it all out again! I want to be trendy, but not trashy! There are way too many choices to choose from, and my mind is going into overdrive. In my fat days, I could go into a plus size woman retail establishment (LB) and know exactly what size to get of something, and what would look good. I didn’t even have to try it on. Now, I try everything on, and I end up putting the majority of it back. Just too much to choose from!!

Maybe I should not say I’m an Outcast of the fat world. More like a confused newbie to the skinny world. I need style help!!

Oh, and I know I haven’t updated my blog.. but… On November 2, 2009, I had Gastric Bypass Surgery. Since that day, I’ve lost a total of 125 lbs. Yes, I’m damn proud of myself!!! It has not been easy!! I have a new job! I love it! My photography business has picked up quite a bit, and I’m finally feeling like the me I always knew I was!! :-)

Oh what a year can do!

Wow! Have I really been absent for that long??? Indeed I have!

The perils of unemployment had zapped my love and desire for writing a blog. I am getting back to it though! When I lost my job last year, I decided to live my life for myself! I have been trying to get my photography business up and running, I have travelled, spent time with family, spent time with friends, spent lovely time with my amazing niece, and most importantly, saved my life!

Yes, I did say "Saved My Life". On November 2, 2009, I underwent Gastric Bypass Surgery. During surgery, I aspirated during the extubation process, and that caused me to have pneumonia. My surgery was on a Monday, and on Tuesday, I remember Mom and Dad had gone to go get coffee, and my sister was sitting with me. I turned to her and told her to call a nurse immediately because I think my fever just spiked. Apparently, nurses take that stuff seriously. :-) Thank Goodness!! I was wheeled down to have xrays and a leak test done. Leak Tests involve drinking the NASTIEST of concoctions so that the medical team can check to see if there are any leaks in your new "Pouch". I had no desire to drink anything, and made someone stand next to me with a bucket just in case the concoction did not agree with me. I was fine. :) The leak test proved negative for leaks, but they did notice that my lungs looked somewhat foggy.
Xrays revealed Pneumonia! LOVELY!! Try coughing when your insides have just been sliced and diced and rearranged! Not fun! I had to cough holding a pillow. I looked forward to the breathing treatments though, because that offered me some sort of comfort.

Pneumonia afforded me one extra day stay in the hospital, and a couple of CT scans. However, on Thursday, I was able to go home! I had the most amazing nurses and my surgeon was AMAZING!!!

Since then, I have officially lost 101 lbs (as of today). I fit in clothes that I never thought possible! I have more energy, I work out, I see my future! It looks good! The only thing that would make it better??? FINDING A JOB!!!! I can't rely on photography as my primary income, I break even with that. I see the light at the end of the unemployment tunnel though! There is a job out there for me that I will be very happy at, I know it!

Everyday is a new day, and I am happy to know that I am no longer Morbidly Obese! My decision to go through with the surgery saved my life!

I will update more often, I promise! :-) I am hoping to get back into the swing of blogging regularly, although, I never was the regular blogger.

Love to you all!