Dear God, it's me, Christie..

I am having a “Dear God, It’s me, Margaret.” moment, right now. I’m sitting here trying to wrap my brain around the reality that my mother has cancer. She underwent her third chemo treatment yesterday and I think now the reality is haunting me. Her second chemo treatment went well, but when she got home, she took a nap, and woke up with a fever that was quite vengeful. By the end of the night it had spiked to 102.something. It landed her a dandy little trip to the emergency room to be poked and prodded and bled to figure out what was making her sick. After being pumped full of fluids and antibiotics, she was allowed to come home and rest. We still don’t know what caused it. We thought it was just a virus. That is, until yesterday. Mom underwent the chemo, did fine throughout the whole day, and then in the evening, she struck another fever. This time it was not so vengeful, but every bit as worrisome. We were all concerned about her, but I hate that Dad feels he has to carry the burden by himself. The doctors this morning again poked and prodded her and drew blood to check for any blips. Now, they seem to think that Mom may have developed an antibody to the chemo on the first treatment, and then when she went back, her system is trying to fight the foreign substances flowing through her veins that are supposed to be killing the foreign little cancer buggers.
My Dear God moment was just now, as I was completing a report for work, and the sun just all of a sudden came out (it was very overcast this AM). I’m sitting here thinking Holy Crap, this really is real to my life. I’ve been having some heart to hearts with God about helping Mom beat this thing, and let her get through the worst parts of this chemo. I sure hope He’s listening!
I think I’ve also been having a pity party for myself. Work has been rather hellish and overwhelming lately. I finally got a raise yesterday. Which I’m thrilled about and Thankful for! I just feel like I don’t have the time to sit and absorb the things that are happening around me. That in turn, causes a lot of stress. So again, I have a “Dear God” moment asking for things to stop spinning so quickly so that I can catch up without getting too dizzy. Then I have to ask myself if I would actually try to catch up or if I would sit there and feel sorry for myself. Probably the latter.. I just wish that this year would slow down! I can’t believe it’s already April, and in October Beebug will be joining the family.  Beebug is my new little niece or nephew that is due to make their grand entrance on or near October 19, 2008.
I guess BeeBug will be our shining star and the hope that everything will be okay.
I just had to vent for a little bit. Thank Goodness for the blogosphere world! 