I could put my superficial fears as what I discuss. I.e. spiders, snakes, bridges, falling..etc… But I think the one fear that I want to talk about is my fear that I am going to gain all of the weight that I’ve lost…. Back.. I am afraid that I am going to screw something up somewhere along the lines, and I will be that large person again. Yes, I am more active now than I ever have been. No, I can’t eat the things I used to eat prior to the surgery. Yes, I am fully aware that I will have days that I will struggle. I think today may just be one of those days. I just don’t want to be big again. Not that I hated myself for it, but, I LOVE being able to run with my nieces and play, and get into a Kayak with The Guy, and sit in a booth, and pull my knees up to my chin without forcing it, I love being able to shop for clothes in non plus sized stores.
I just have this one fear that I am going to screw something up. Maybe by verbalizing it here, it is an accountability thing. I WON’T go backwards. I WON’T be THAT heavy again, I WILL keep everything in check!
I hope….
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